I've been thinking quite a bit about how this quarantine might actually be the best thing that happened to my children. Check out this blog post from Altogether Mostly and consider what YOUR children might be building capacity for right now.
Friday, April 24, 2020
Thursday, April 23, 2020
Core Values
As an instructional coach, I deal a lot with values. Teachers, and people in general, are driven to do what they do because of what they believe and value. Understanding and acknowledging our core values is essential to knowing yourself well enough to make change. Now, more than ever, it's important to pay attention to our feelings and determine where those feelings are coming from. Those of you reading this blog are living in intense circumstances - you are experience loss, working without childcare, teaching your children, doing all the housework, living in close quarters with a lot of people, balancing caring for young children, maybe dealing with unemployment/illness/outside stress ... all at the same time. Try this core value exercise to help you figure out where some of the big feelings you are having might be coming from.
Use this core values list to:
1. Circle 10 values that strike you as important to you at home and at work.
2. Narrow down to 5
3. Narrow down to your top 1-3
Once you have your top 1-3 core values established, write them down and keep them in mind for a few days. What do you notice? What is driving you to make the decisions you make? What is triggering you through your day and how does your core value relate to the event that triggered you? What are you missing right now in this shelter in place context that feeds your values?
My strongest core value is connection. Connection is what gets me out of bed in the morning, I yearn to be connected to my family, friends, students, neighbors and co-workers in a deep meaningful way. I come alive at work when I can help others connect ideas, connect to themselves, or connect to their students in deep ways. Although, the "connect to my family" department is at an all time high right now for me... I'm very much mourning the loss of my connections to the people in the outside world. I'm missing the small connections between moms during school pick up, friends at an outing, as well as the deeper connection between my co-workers as we problem solve together in our (quiet, pleasant, toy-free) office. I miss outings with friends and extended family where I can read body language and encourage others during long meaningful conversations. I know I will get these experiences back some day, but acknowledging the loss is helping me understand why I'm a bit edgy and make decisions like calling an old friend and going on a walk to connect, having a date night with my husband, scheduling 10 feet apart running dates and more to make sure my connection needs are being filled.
Try the core value exercise and consider how this shelter in place is affecting you at the core. You might just find safe solutions to ease some of your stress and anxiety.
Lucky for me, I have a husband who understands me and planned a date night where we could put Netflix aside and connect (we even dressed up!).
Use this core values list to:
1. Circle 10 values that strike you as important to you at home and at work.
2. Narrow down to 5
3. Narrow down to your top 1-3
Once you have your top 1-3 core values established, write them down and keep them in mind for a few days. What do you notice? What is driving you to make the decisions you make? What is triggering you through your day and how does your core value relate to the event that triggered you? What are you missing right now in this shelter in place context that feeds your values?
My strongest core value is connection. Connection is what gets me out of bed in the morning, I yearn to be connected to my family, friends, students, neighbors and co-workers in a deep meaningful way. I come alive at work when I can help others connect ideas, connect to themselves, or connect to their students in deep ways. Although, the "connect to my family" department is at an all time high right now for me... I'm very much mourning the loss of my connections to the people in the outside world. I'm missing the small connections between moms during school pick up, friends at an outing, as well as the deeper connection between my co-workers as we problem solve together in our (quiet, pleasant, toy-free) office. I miss outings with friends and extended family where I can read body language and encourage others during long meaningful conversations. I know I will get these experiences back some day, but acknowledging the loss is helping me understand why I'm a bit edgy and make decisions like calling an old friend and going on a walk to connect, having a date night with my husband, scheduling 10 feet apart running dates and more to make sure my connection needs are being filled.
Try the core value exercise and consider how this shelter in place is affecting you at the core. You might just find safe solutions to ease some of your stress and anxiety.
Friday, April 17, 2020
How to Grieve the Loss of Experience
Grief and Coping with Loss of Experience
As parents, caregivers, and teachers, we all know there will come a time when we need to prepare our children for a loss, whether it is the loss of a pet, a friendship, or, even more devastating, the loss of a close loved one.
With Governor Pritzker's announcement today of school being closed for the 2019-2020 school year, I felt deeply a loss of a different kind-the loss of experience. Sitting and watching my two boys watch the Governor deliver the news, I couldn't help but become emotional. Not only were they going to miss the feeling of accomplishment of being able to walk through the doors for the last time on the last day to close out a grade level, but I couldn't help my mind from going to all of the small experiences they were losing as well.
As adults, we think more broadly and project forward to what big moments like this mean. It helps us to problem solve and plan for upcoming obstacles, prepare ourselves for big feelings, and how we will manage them. It helps us process complex problems quickly, thinking of who we will need to support, what we have to offer, and where we can be the most impactful. For children, big moments are processed differently. They tend to see only what is in front of them, in the next moment and how they feel in the now. They often feel powerless in the face of situations they have not encountered before. Their minds don't know where to put the information and big feelings, so they often just shut them down. Because of this, they tend to get blindsided by emotions when they (and we) least expect it. They wash over them at bedtime or erupt during Google Meet sessions when they realize they REALLY miss their friends and won't see them for the rest of the year. They sneak attack in fights with their siblings over little things or in the form of quick frustration over small problems. It is in those times that we can, as parents and caregivers, see the grief process unfold.
Grief over the loss of experience is powerful and real to all of us in this time. We will miss out on the coveted traditions we hold dear: year end classroom parties, Field Days, Ice Cream Socials, Clap-Outs, and yearbook signings that make the end of the year FEEL like the The End of the Year. Grieve the loss of what would have been and know that your child is, too, though it may come out in different and unexpected ways. Have a conversation that shares your feelings of sadness and loss with your child, so that they can know that their feelings are safe to express as well. Share with them what they don't even know yet, but that we know as adults:
As we take this time to grieve, I know as a Western Springs community that we will come out swinging; full of new ideas, new traditions, and new ways to move forward for this 2019-2020 school year. Let's make our loss of experiences a time to create new ones that are as treasured and important as our old ones. If I know of any community that is capable of that and doing it with strength and solidarity, it is Western Springs D101.
As parents, caregivers, and teachers, we all know there will come a time when we need to prepare our children for a loss, whether it is the loss of a pet, a friendship, or, even more devastating, the loss of a close loved one.
With Governor Pritzker's announcement today of school being closed for the 2019-2020 school year, I felt deeply a loss of a different kind-the loss of experience. Sitting and watching my two boys watch the Governor deliver the news, I couldn't help but become emotional. Not only were they going to miss the feeling of accomplishment of being able to walk through the doors for the last time on the last day to close out a grade level, but I couldn't help my mind from going to all of the small experiences they were losing as well.
As adults, we think more broadly and project forward to what big moments like this mean. It helps us to problem solve and plan for upcoming obstacles, prepare ourselves for big feelings, and how we will manage them. It helps us process complex problems quickly, thinking of who we will need to support, what we have to offer, and where we can be the most impactful. For children, big moments are processed differently. They tend to see only what is in front of them, in the next moment and how they feel in the now. They often feel powerless in the face of situations they have not encountered before. Their minds don't know where to put the information and big feelings, so they often just shut them down. Because of this, they tend to get blindsided by emotions when they (and we) least expect it. They wash over them at bedtime or erupt during Google Meet sessions when they realize they REALLY miss their friends and won't see them for the rest of the year. They sneak attack in fights with their siblings over little things or in the form of quick frustration over small problems. It is in those times that we can, as parents and caregivers, see the grief process unfold.
Grief over the loss of experience is powerful and real to all of us in this time. We will miss out on the coveted traditions we hold dear: year end classroom parties, Field Days, Ice Cream Socials, Clap-Outs, and yearbook signings that make the end of the year FEEL like the The End of the Year. Grieve the loss of what would have been and know that your child is, too, though it may come out in different and unexpected ways. Have a conversation that shares your feelings of sadness and loss with your child, so that they can know that their feelings are safe to express as well. Share with them what they don't even know yet, but that we know as adults:
That grief is a process and that feelings change during that process: from sadness, to anger, to bargaining, to accepting, and that coming together to share our feelings of grief and loss is surely the best way to move through them.
As we take this time to grieve, I know as a Western Springs community that we will come out swinging; full of new ideas, new traditions, and new ways to move forward for this 2019-2020 school year. Let's make our loss of experiences a time to create new ones that are as treasured and important as our old ones. If I know of any community that is capable of that and doing it with strength and solidarity, it is Western Springs D101.
Stay Safe, Stay Healthy, Stay Strong
Wednesday, April 15, 2020
Just drop it!
I needed this one today! We dropped everything and snuggled on the couch and we are much better for it!
Monday, April 13, 2020
Preschool
Many of us with elementary age children also have preschoolers at home, so I thought I'd share how I've been keeping my preschoolers busy in the morning so I can focus on work and my 2nd grader's E-Learning. Disclosure: I have TWIN 4 year olds which makes much of this easier, but some of it harder.
The set up
This might be the most crucial part of my "preschool" - I take about 15 minutes to set up their space each day. I have a designated place (away from my 2nd grader) where my twins "school" exists. I try to set up an area for:
- Messy art/play (play-dough, paint, kinetic sand etc.) - this is at our counter.
- Some sort of puzzle.
- Pretend- This can be a laundry basket (boat) and blanket tent (cave) and wrapping paper tube (fishing pole), pretend food, a set of Fischer Price people they haven't seen for a while, small animals next to Magnatiles with a request for a farm etc.
- Games- I just raid our game closet and put out a game for the to play with. I'll even put out games they can't possibly play - and they can figure out how to have fun with it.
- Building materials- Think legos, Magnatiles, or even a large pack of red solo cups!
- 1-2 other items they haven't seen/played with for awhile.
- TIP: Ask your neighbors and friends for unused toys they might have laying around- the power of "new" is huge!
Circle time
Every school day morning, we start with circle time. This ritual helps my kids get into the mindset that the next couple hours are a bit different than free time. My son self appointed himself "snack helper", so after everyone is happily sitting down chomping on their snack, we do the following:
- Sing a song - I usually choose one from this site or this site and repeat all week.
- Pass a bag filled with letters, sing the letter song, each kid picks a letter while we all try to think of a word that starts with that letter.
- Look at a calendar- talking about the day of the week, date, what's coming up etc.
- Pass a "share bag" filled with prompts like- "name one thing you love"etc. or do a show and tell share.
- Go over the schedule for today - sometimes making some choices for the day together.
Learning time
Usually, I can get a good 45 minutes- 1 hour of my preschoolers playing on their own when I can concentrate on my 2nd grader/work emails. I'm not proud of it, but I usually listen for arguing and then I know it's time for me to pop over to "preschool" and play a learning game with the twins. Sometimes it looks like me helping them with play, sometimes it's choosing a game from my collection (see pic- no accident it's kept by the wine- he he), or sometimes it's reading a book. A few simple "at home" activities I've had success with:
- Post-it note letter matching- write lower case letters on post-it notes and put poster on wall (see pic).
- Put paper numbers in muffin tin and ask preschoolers to put that amount of Cheerios in each tin.
- Make a paper book. Have the children draw pictures, and then I write the words.
- Printing off coloring pages with images that the children choose.
- Play rhyming games- A few printable options here.
- I've also had success choosing from D101's early childhood E-Learning boards- ECE AM and ECE PM .
Final Thoughts
Full disclosure that there are still lots of moments of frustration from all parties in my house during "school" time. However, having a structure in place to deal with my littles helps all of us feel a sense of control and structure. We can usually sneak in about 2 hours of school before the kids head out for "recess" with their dad and I catch up on work. This is a far from perfect situation, but we are making it work (most days at least)!
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